King Valentine Now Available on Amazon.com for $2.99!

King Valentine Release Announcement

King Valentine Kindle Cover

I now present my novel King Valentine to the world! It’s what intellectual types would call an epistolary novel, which would normally mean it was composed of letters or some other form of correspondence. In this case it refers to blog entries. Ninety percent of the novel is composed of blog entries, but unlike a real blog, it isn’t boring. The author of said blog is truly a sick human being, but you can’t help but love him.

I’ll say no more about it. Here’s the blurb:

Eddie Valentine is thirty-seven years old, flat busted broke, virtually unemployable, lives with his mom, and has an anger management counselor who has suggested he share his feelings with someone other than herself. Though she specifically recommended that he maintain a diary and join a support group, Eddie figures airing his dirty laundry in a more public fashion would be far more therapeutic.

So he starts a blog, and soon the world learns that Elvis Edward Valentine isn’t your garden variety, run-of-the-mill blogger. He’s a raw nerve, a man-child who shares EVERYTHING about his life with whoever cares to read about it.

Though Eddie is every bit as crazy as a March hare, he has his hopes and dreams. He wants to make a new life for himself, and he knows that ain’t gonna happen by being a working stiff. He has to make a big score somehow, and quick.

One night, while watching TV, Eddie sees an advertisement that changes his life. Instead of spending $150 originally intended for his mother’s Christmas presents, Eddie deposits the money into an online gambling account.

While experiencing the emotional ups and downs of his new professional endeavor, Eddie Valentine ventures about town in search of his dream girl. But who will that ultimately be? His new Venezuelan “cougar,” a beautiful Chinese manic-depressive, or the facially flawed but otherwise gorgeous bookstore clerk? It won’t matter who it is unless he can make something happen online. Making that big score becomes more important than ever!

KING VALENTINE has everything: loose women, lots of sex, colorful language, irreverent humor, marijuana smoking, heavy drinking, rock and roll, and just about everything else that makes life worth living. And you read all about it directly from the blog entries of Elvis Edward Valentine, an aspiring author with an oeuvre of two dozen incomplete manuscripts.

What the hell are you waiting for? This is a novel you can truly enjoy while perched atop your porcelain throne. Read it now!

The eBook edition of King Valentine is available exclusively for the Amazon Kindle. This title is available to Amazon Prime members as a monthly borrow from the Kindle Online Lending Library or as a free download from the Kindle Unlimited subscription plan.

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The Revamp

I’ve got the best in the business working on this website. No shit, the very very best! They take too many breaks in my opinion, but they keep waving their union cards at me. This is what’s happened in the IT business? Unionization?!

This is all I’m writing until I can invent witty ways of expressing myself. Blogs are boooooooooooooorrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnngggg!

But my blog will make you laugh. Well, maybe.

Hey, look at what I drew! The Sad Robot Monster:

Robot

Remember, I’m a writer, not a sketch artist. Well, at least not yet….

Until next time,

Gregory Shultz
On The Loose in Orlando, Florida

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